100 word challenge-Although they ran quickly, they were still not making enough progress

It had come to soon, there wasn’t enough time to prepare. It was going to close soon, although they ran quickly, they were still not making enough progress. Everyone was still getting ready, it’s to early no one no’s what creatures from the depth would out. Their calls so faint but drag you in with one note. You get lost between the real world and what you used to know, you loose memory and lose track of the real things. The travelers got sucked in as one soul escaped the trap and as I said didn’t know what was real.

One thought on “100 word challenge-Although they ran quickly, they were still not making enough progress

  1. Aaliyah,
    this is a very moody piece- you create a sense of mystery by using the term ‘it’ before giving any clues about what ‘it’ is. Then, by using the second-person ‘you’ , you draw your reader into the story further. The use of sound and mixed -up memory add to the suspense and fear.
    However, in the last sentence you bring in first-person (‘I said didn’t know what was real’) which confuses me-up until this time it didn’t seem to be in firat-person.
    Also, you have a few changes in tense:
    “It had come to soon, …..it’s (it is) to early….You get lost… The travelers got sucked in”
    changing tense like this makes your piece a little confusing. When you reread your writing, look out for which perspective and tense you want to use and mostly keep to one.
    Lastly, be careful with homophones like to/too and no/know-there’s a couple of times these needed to be changed.
    Keep up the great work,
    Ant

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